Ok. I don't really know how to start this post. I guess I should start with saying that I am no way a health professional nor have I spoken to one about my own personal experiences in this area. I've noticed recently that a lot more people are being open and honest about anxiety and stress, now it just doesn't seem so much of a big deal as what it used to be. Before, I suppose you could say people were more conserved around the topic and felt that maybe it would be better to dismiss it rather than face it. But recently I've seen a lot of tweets, blogs and videos around the subject, very open and helpful videos about personal experiences of anxiety which I think is just fantastic. I know that sounds crazy, but I love hearing people talking about it because it makes me feel a whole load better about it.
I thought I would share my own experience with you for that same reason.
I've always worried and stressed a lot through my whole life, usually over nothing. I can sometimes be in a room where there is nothing wrong at all and then suddenly my stomach starts turning and I suddenly feel very hot and smothered. My chest gets very red and I sometimes even feel like I can't breathe or I feel sick. I've had a few panic attacks, no where near as many as some people and I haven't had one for a while now which I am very grateful for. But what I will say about them is that they really are not nice and they make me feel extremely embarrassed and almost helpless. I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety but I feel that maybe (especially this time last year) I definitely suffered with it.
What I mean by this is that instead of me being worried when I was supposed to be, like before taking a test or before singing in front of a group of people, I literally felt worried over absolutely nothing and I felt like it a lot. Even now when I don't consider myself to suffer with anxiety I still say I worry more than the average person should. I think this is partly due to my obsessive attitude. This is also a trait I've had since a very young age. For example, if I plan to do something at a certain place and at a certain time and then suddenly plans change I do not deal with that well and I find it very difficult for me to change my sense of mind. For example if I arranged with my friend to meet at McDonalds and then 10 minutes before I leave they want to meet me at Subway instead, I just can't really comprehend the change which actually makes me anxious.
I know this sounds ridiculous but when I watched Zoella's video on youtube the other day she described a person with anxiety as the car in the street that their alarm is triggered by a little gust of wind when actually there is nothing to be alarmed about at all. This made so much sense to me and actually made me feel a little relieved. A lot of people I know understand that I tend to stress a lot about things that don't need to be stressed over, but I have really improved especially over the last year.
One thing that has really helped me (I think) has been moving away from home and realising that I am responsible for myself. It was sort of a wake up call in realising that I can't just go back to my house and snuggle up in bed with a cup of tea every time I'm anxious. It's helped me find other ways of dealing with it other than being in my 'comfort zone'. For example, I'll make myself a cup of tea and just have a bit of a breather to reflect on what's going on and to ask myself 'what actually is the problem'. I love taking long showers, they are just so relaxing to me and just really help to de-stress me. I also like to take some 'me-time' and watch youtube videos, blog, read or watch tv or something, even go outside or shopping online, anything to take my mind off being anxious. Something else I've found to be really helpful is being around people I love. Friends that I have made in university, old friends and family are all so wonderful to me. It really helps sometimes to just sit down and just tell them how you feel. Even though I may feel embarrassed I've found that most times I feel way more relieved when I've spoken about it. Tom has helped me so much over the years to deal with me being obsessive and anxious, without him I'd be so much worse. I am so grateful and lucky to have him. He's made me realise that instead of thinking about the worst possible outcome always think of the best possible outcome.